Not Done Yet

Well it's been exactly a week ago today that we attempted to say goodbye to Honduras and get on a plane that would take us "home." The idea that we'd ever be able to say goodbye to Honduras is a joke and the effects live on. I think we all came back in a state of tearfulness for several days afterwards at the mention of the word. We still have raw places and in Kelsey's words "I don't think there's been a single day since we've been home that I haven't had to wipe at least one tear off my cheek." Ditto. I think most of the rest of us would echo those sentiments. I told Kelsey last night...you know there's a blessing in crying alot, it means you loved alot! As I've had some time to think about that I think I learned a bit more about my own definition for joy. See because somewhere down deep two things reside in my heart at the moment...a deep grief over having to leave those sweet people, and a tremendous delight in having been able to share the time we shared with them. I think in it's truest form that's what God's joy is all about. To let the burden of the hurt in this world coexist with His ability through you to help lift just a bit of it. It's faith and fear in the same place. It's sorrow and delight beside each other in a heart. I think joy is knowing they don't coexist forever, but for now you will not forsake one for the other. Could we have chosen not to go because we knew how badly we'd hurt when we came back? Absolutely (well I could have because I knew how badly it hurt the rest of them didn't so much know yet.) But could they choose never to go back, sure! Ask any of them and without a doubt most of them would tell you they'd board the next plane that God allowed them to get on to see those sweet people again. Somewhere deep within that is buried my new hearts definition for joy and for living like Jesus on this earth. I will feel the weight of what's going on around me, but I will do my part to help it not be so heavy for someone else wherever God has me at the moment. I will shed tears and have cherished memories over exactly the same moment in time. I will live in this world, and be an active force for His kingdom in it, but know that it doesn't exist forever.

I don't know all the lessons we will learn over the next several weeks and months as God uses this trip to mold and shape our hearts differently. The lessons don't end after 10 days that's for sure, your heart reverberates with those smiles and those memories for far longer than that, and somewhere in the middle of all of that God still whispers and at moments speaks boldly that this one undistracted time of service to Him has a billion lessons within it for life right here right now. We're only just beginning to learn them and we'd ask for your prayers as we try to fit 'er in right where we are for such a time as this.

A part of my heart will forever be in Honduras and I don't know all of what that means exactly. God will show me, no doubt. For right now this is a way that I can continue to process through and try to fit in what I learn and feel and see in Honduras and not only share it with you, perhaps moreso to allow God to speak through these memories to me. So I will continue to journal on here every once in a while from now on. Feel free to read them, comment if you so choose, skip over them, whatever God leads you to do.

Let me share one other thing before I close this one. I have been so touched by our young people who went on this trip. Kelsey asked last night what kind of training she would have to have to be a missionary cause she wants to go to Honduras after she graduates, and if you'd watched her heart on this trip, you'd believe her. Delaney is ready to move there now and quit school as it's the Honduran way and work in a childrens home. Brian Vaughan wants to move there right after high school and do the one year internship at Good Shepherd orphanage. Davey mentioned one night in devo how he wasn't sure what God was leading him to do but how this experience had opened his eyes. Katelyn Dye commented on how this trip was something she needed to do and how she felt it would make her a better missionary here in the states. Those are only a few of the teens that I've had the privilege of sharing a few minutes with over the past week or so...and so there are more stories. They have touched me though in deep ways. What a blessing to be 14 or 15 and get to see people who've given up everything they know to serve Jesus in a faraway place where they've had to make some serious sacrifices but will tell you everytime that they are far beyond blessed!! God is raising up our young people to live lives that are not spiritually whimpy and I'm convicted by that to live a life that doesn't look spiritually whimpy either. I am sooooooooooooooooo proud of them and wait with eager expectation to see what the Lord will do in and through them!

Alright will close this one for today. Only 51 weeks till we get to do this again. I will be going back this summer for a week probably by the grace of God, so please keep that in your prayers if you would please. Thank you all once again for all you've prayed us through, supported us with, encouraged us by, and walked beside us through. It's as much your journey as it was ours. Love you all!!